What I've Done
by Roselna
Summary: I was starting to a new life that I would have to endure, but it was all for the good of the people I loved the most. I would end this curse, and cross out, what I'd become.


I looked out at the junkyard before me. I stood on the Great Tire, the unnaturally cold wind of the summer whipping through my white and rust fur. My blue eyes scanned over my home that could no longer stay. I was too dangerous. The rage that I now hosted was too unpredictable. I couldn't control it. I had to kill it, before it killed my family. The first thing I had to do was say good-bye. I had already come too close at the Jellicle Ball, when the spirit of Macavity had taken control, and come out. I was completely helpless, shoved into the depths of my own being. I was only a temporary host, a body for the evil rage to live off of until it moved to another. I had to get away while I still had control for a length of time.

* * *

_In this farewell_

_There's no blood_

_There's no alibi._

_'Cause I've drawn regret_

_From the truth_

_Of a thousand lies_

_

* * *

_I remember looking out of my own eyes and seeing things as if they were a movie. I felt my limbs moving, felt Munkustrap's claws as they ripped at my transformed flesh...but I hadn't any control. Macavity had completely taken over, his looks melting onto me, turning my fur ginger, black and white, my blue eyes fire red. I had feared. That night, I had prayed to the Everlasting Cat for help.

* * *

_So let mercy come_

_And wash away

* * *

_

It had come. I got control of my body back. I put a paw out, trying to stop them, trying to tell them that it was Plato, not Macavity. They hadn't realized. They kept throwing scratches at me, until they had me on top of the TSE 1. I had done something insane, something crazy. I put two jumper cables together. The shock had thrown Macavity back into the corner of my being, while it knocked me unconscious. I had only barely made it back in time for the Addressing of Cats. The next day, I had hid from the others, avoiding everyone while I planned my disappearance. It was for their safety. If there was another way, I would have done it. I just couldn't find one, though- I needed to get away, and figure out how to get rid of the demon that resided in me.

* * *

_What I've done_

_I'll face myself_

_To cross out what I've become_

_Erase myself_

_And let go of what I've done_

_

* * *

_I had written notes to my family. My dear little sister, Etcetera. She was going to become a queen the next Ball. I knew she wanted to dance with Pouncival. I was going to have to miss it. I explained my reasons in a note to her. She had known me best, and had probably realized that something was wrong with me before I had known it myself. My new mate, Victoria. I pitied her the most. I was leaving less than two days after we had danced. It broke my heart to leave her. We were in love, but I couldn't trust myself. Macavity had been in love with Demeter once, and her with him. His rages, though- if I did to Victoria, my little angel, what the Hidden Paw had done to Demeter, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I was leaving for her sake, and and the sake of the rest of the tribe. I knew they would question what I was doing. That was why I was leaving in the middle of the night, when no one stirred but the newly born kittens of Bombalurina and Rum Tum Tugger. They wouldn't come outside, wouldn't see me.

* * *

_Put to rest_

_What you thought of me_

_While I clean this slate_

_With the hands_

_Of uncertainty_

_

* * *

_Then there was my mother. She was already worried enough about Gus, her father in law and my grandfather, with his failing health. My leaving could do no good. It was almost enough to make me stay- but no, I had to leave for the sake of keeping everyone safe. I could only hope that when, and if, I put this rage to rest, they would except me once more.

* * *

_So let mercy come_

_And wash away_

_What I've done_

_I'll face myself_

_To cross out what I've become_

_Erase myself_

_And let go of what I've done_

_

* * *

_I thought of the days that were to come. I'd go far from England, maybe to Scotland. I couldn't risk the easiest way of travel, but the trains. I didn't dare go near Skimbleshanks, and I didn't know if Macavity would take his anger out of the humans that road the train. I would travel by foot, taking ways that no one went and were surely uninhabited. Then I would research, and figure out what I could do. Finally, I would face the demon I'd become. Each day, a battle. It would be painful, heartbreaking. It could end with my death. But I simply couldn't stay anymore. I couldn't. I wouldn't.

* * *

_For what I've done_

_I'll start again_

_And whatever pain may come_

_Today this ends_

_I'm forgiving what I've done_

_I'll face myself_

_To cross out what I've become_

_Erase myself_

_And let go of what I've done_

_

* * *

_With one last look around, I picked up the leather sack at my paws. I strapped it securely across my chest. Inside, I had enough food for a few days, and water. There were also pictures of my family, my closest friends, and my dearest Victoria. Not daring to stay longer, incase Jemima decided to come and sing, as she often did, I turned on my heel and slipped into the shadows. I was starting to a new life that I would have to endure, but it was all for the good of the people I loved the most. I would end this curse, and cross out, what I'd become.

* * *

**(A/N): **O.o...jeez, that was dark. Anyway, review, please. Cats (c) ALW, TSE, RUG. What I've Done (c) Linkin Park.


End file.
